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Sub heading: Things not to say when you first meet that special person.

  • You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

  • Did anyone ever tell you how big your arse is.

  • Why are you staring at me?

  • Was your dad a thief? 'Cos you look like a reprobate.

  • Has your mother's gonorrhoea cleared up now?

  • This is your lucky day. I've just been discharged from the assylum

  • You must have a wonderful personality, because God couldn't be that cruel.

  • Excuse me, have you seen my wife?

  • Have you ever been to heaven? 'Cos I've got an axe at home.

  • Tell me the name of your plastic surgeon, I'll get your money back.

  • Somebody pinch me. I must be dreaming, because you're a nightmare.

  • Erm, I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's a lovely girl over there and you're in the way.

  • How did you escape from the zoo?

  • I couldn't help noticing, but you've got something on your shoulder. Jesus, it's your head.

  • Hello, my name is Ann Widdecombe.


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